My children always seem to be bickering – what can I do to make them get on better with each other?

Here are a few tips from Miriam on how to help smooth out sibling rivalries.

• Don’t expect your children to get on well all the time. Part of the value of siblings is learning how to deal with other people and with concepts such as envy, jealousy, fairness, sharing, and to stand up for themselves. Arguing sometimes is normal and healthy.
• Keep out of their arguments. Allow them to work out their own solutions - don't be seen as a referee or to favour one over another.
• Choose your moment. Talk to them about things in a quiet moment.
• Talk about possible solutions when they cannot sort out their own problems. Encourage them to come up with their own ideas, and to compromise. Once you have reached an agreement, write it down.
• Try not to apportion blame. There is a lot that happens between siblings that you do not know about.
• Remember that all children are different. Avoid comparing one with another – this can only foster resentment.
• To be truly fair, you need to give differently. Give to each child according to his or her individual needs.
• Spend time with each child individually. Give positive attention in quiet moments or when they are being kind to each other.
• Allow them to tell you how they feel about each other. Don't be judgemental, even if you are not comfortable with what they say.
• Do your best to make sure they know you love them all very much, and that you will make sure that they will always have all they need (which is different from what they want).